So I work for this advertising company and it's called Maximum Advertising Potential, AAAHHH! And, I answer the phone and I have to say "Thank you for calling Maximum Advertising Potential, AAAHH! How may I direct your call?" For some reason, they won't let me play my Talking Heads tapes there.

And, we got this new cappuccino machine, 'cause we gotta be this artsy, trendy advertising company and we need to impress our clients with our new cappuccino machine. "Would you like an espresso, Mr. Whatever?" And, they call me a week later and say, "Where's my artwork?" And, I say, "I don't know. Everyone in the art department is asleep cause they all drank like 50 cappuccino's this morning and crashed. I mean I had like 50 cappuccinos today too, but, lucky for me, I can handle it." Then, I say, "THANK YOU FOR CALLING MAXIMUM ADVERTISING POTENTIAL, AAAHH!" And, I hang up real quick.

And, there's this incredibly gorgeous girl who works there. I don't mean like pretty or attractive. I mean like FUCK! And, I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I walk past her in the halls. I mean, I am thinking about wrapping her legs around my head, but she doesn't know about that. Does she? No, she doesn't know about that. And, she wears these tank-tops with the spaghetti straps. And, she shouldn't be allowed to wear tank-tops with spaghetti straps, 'cause goddammit, I've got work to do!

And, I'm training this guy, this fucking stupid guy, so I don't have to answer the phones anymore. And he answers the phone and he says, "Thank you for calling…um…" And he looks at me and says, "line?" And, I scream, "MAXIMUM ADVERTISING POTENTIAL, AAAHH! You idiot!" So, he says "MAXIMUM ADVERTISING POTENTIAL, AAAHH! You idiot!" And, I bang my head on the desk. He says, Dude, you shouldn't do that." Then he remembers he's on the phone and a light bulb goes off in his head. And, he says, "How may I direct your call?" He smiles at me and gives me the thumbs-up sign. I start to cry.

And, then it's lunchtime. And, the fucking stupid guy sits next to me and starts talking to me like I'm his best friend in the whole goddam world, even though I want to kill him. And, he says "Dude, you know that awesome girl who wears the tank-tops with the spaghetti straps?" And, I say, "Oh God, no." And, he says, "Dude, she asked me out." And, I stabbed the back of my hand with my spork!

Now I've taken to just ignoring him, which is worse. Now he follows me around all day saying, "Dude, Dude c'mon, dude. Dude, Dude c'mon, dude." Now people come up to me and say, "Dude." And, I say fuck you! I am not your dude!" And, they say, "Chill out, dude." And I say, "Aaahh!" And, the fucking stupid guy yells out, "How may I direct your call?" And, I said, "Shut up!." And, he said, "C'mon dude." And, I said, "This is all your fault!" And, he began to open his mouth again. And, I said, "Don't say 'dude' again! Say bud. Say fella. Say cat. Say bobo. Say hey shithead. Just don't say 'dude' again." He said, "Relax, dude." So, I jumped on him, grabbed him by the back of his hair and began bashing his face against the concrete floor!

And, I got fired?

So, I guess I don't work there anymore.